12:26 p.m. - 2009-05-14
Speak.
Sometimes i get mad when he doesn't talk to me. I know, it shouldn't be as big of a deal as i make it, but the harder i try to make it not so much, the more i know it is.
He was here, God knows for how long and i wanted to say something, but i don't want to be one of those women who is there breathing on their neck at every second.
So yes, it bothers me.
It would be diffrent if he was actually around because then giving him space would make sense but it this- this doesn't because we're thousands of miles apart. I haven't checked officially but i don't think i have to. it's a long way.
He leaves without saying a word and i sometimes i don't know if i can take so much coldness. Like the way he said he would never come because he was scared of getting evicted. Sure, it doesn't sound like much when i say it now, but the way he put those words together made him sound like he didn't care at all about coming, that there was no use insisting he come because he wasn't even going to try. That's how it sounded like.
How Comforting for him! to just sit there while i exhaust myself trying to make it work.
I looked now. He's back again. My heart is pounding slightly but never in the same way as it does when he actually speaks to me. All my senses awaken at once and i don't know what to do with my body's reactions. It's all rushing increadibly fast and it exites me that someone can make me feel this way. I could only imagine what its like having him so near me. I would lose control and respond.
It makes all the anger fade away. It's been too long and i don't want to lose him after fighting for so long. I don't want someone else to steal the magic i know is between us, because i know there could never be someone else like me out there. There's no way.
He's still there, and i wish i knew the thoughts running away with him. I want us to connect..to be one person dwelling. My insides are hurting because i want him to be here. I want so much to unlock him but he's shut tightly and i can't seem to get through. I want to know what feelings about me are in there and if they're really real, pure and genuine. I don't want him to leave. Even if he doesn't speak to me, i want him to stay.
I just want him to stay.
